I can do it all to feel balanced
Once I got over the overwhelming task of taking on several different aspects of my life and be successful at all of them, I entered this current stage where I feel at ease. Where I found those things that I really like, those things I need to provide my family with to make them happy and ways of keeping my creative overdrive going. I entered a stage where I am finally ready to actively pursue my happiness.
It took a while after my first child was born for me to be able to accomplish again things that I had accomplished before. Like exercising regularly. I quit exercising because I couldn’t find a way to fit it on my schedule. I went from going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week to not exercising at all. I felt if I couldn’t go all those times, it was going to be useless. And slowly but surely, all that endurance and physical agility and strength I had worked so hard in achieving was gone. And then I got pregnant.
The differences were obvious. Every aspect of my second pregnancy was more difficult than the first time. I felt exhausted all the time. My energy level was at its lowest. And after the baby was born, I decided I needed to do something to improve my ability to function and my mood.
I realized that by trying to do everything extremely perfect, I ended up not doing anything at all thinking it wouldn’t be good enough. I forgot to take care of my body by exercising and keeping a healthy diet. I forgot to put more quality, adult time into my marriage. I turned on the autopilot at work which quickly made me feel bored and dissatisfied professionally.
Once I became aware of all those issues and started incorporating all those things into my life, I felt in peace. Even when the amount of things I did in a day multiplied by a lot, I felt in peace. I finally felt serene and content in the middle of that caos. I was finally doing everything I wanted to do. I found that there is a sense of well-being that derives from doing a little bit of everything I like and do it to the extent of my abilities and my time.
I am not the person I used to be that was able to exercise 5 days a week, but I do it twice. I am not the person who’s able to maintain two full-time jobs but I blog after the babies are in bed, or during my lunch breaks. I’m also not the person that is able to take her kids to every single after-school class or reads a book with them religiously every night, but I do it sometimes, I teach them something every day and every day I make sure they know how much I love them. I don’t go out on dates with my husband every week but we do it at least once a month and we watch movies or enjoy a glass of wine together at home often.
Since I reconciled with the idea of compromising and of flexibility, I feel balanced and happy.